Spooky Face

Happy Halloween!

When we filled our new sandbox, we had fun with the bit of dark sand we had from before.
Spooky huh?

Oh yeah, and here is the extent of our Halloween decorating:

I know, so trashy.

Here is my five year old showing us the expression he was trying to capture.
Not bad eh?

Pumpkin Patch Kids

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

  

  

 

 (I'm having layout issues so I'll just type the words down here.)

Last week we went to a pumpkin patch with some friends.  It was more than just pumpkins of course.  They are actually known for their huge corn maze but we didn't do that.  (Honestly, who in their right mind would pay to wander through a corn field with kids in the cold for who knows how many hours?)
I was surprised at all the other stuff they had to do there though, like a hay bale maze, and hay bales stacked up high with a very bumpy "slide," and we went on a hay ride as well to see the pumpkins. The kids favorite activity was probably the corn box though.  Like a sand box, just less ...sandy. We still ended up taking some home in pockets and diapers, but I can deal with corn. The baby loved it ...in more ways than one, and so did the kids. There was a tractor to climb on, tires to scale and crawl through, old fashioned water pumps to try, and thanks to my generous friend who gave us tokens, they also got to go on the barrel train thing.  It was a kids paradise! They were having so much fun they didn't want to leave.  I ran out of time since I had a prior dinner engagement, and so I left my husband and kids there to enjoy fresh dipped corndogs (which was probably tastier than what I had for dinner).  All around, it was some good ol' fashioned fun, and despite the chilly weather, we had a blast.

Sacrament Meeting Talk: "Preparing Ourselves and our Families to go to the Temple"

We had the opportunity to give talks in sacrament meeting today.  

Because we move around so often, we generally get to talk about twice a year.  I love it! (okay not so much the actual delivery, or the staying up until 2:00 the night before because I'm such a procrastinator, but I love the process and the very specific direction it gives my study).

Anyway, for anyone who is interested, this is more or less the talk I gave today. (I write it down for my records, but try not to read it when I actually give it.  How do you do talks?)

 

We forgot our camera --all we had was my husband's phone. I guess we'll just have to go back. :)

 Preparing Ourselves and Our Families to go to the Temple

This past Friday, we had the opportunity as a family to go to the Boise Temple open house.  Although our children are young, I wanted to give them an opportunity to see the inside of the temple, feel the spirit there, and to hopefully gain a desire to go there when they are older and when it is a fully functioning edifice dedicated to the Lord. 

We prepared the children by holding an FHE last Monday about temples, and announcing that we would get to go see the inside of the temple in a few days.  We briefly told them what would happen when we went to visit the temple.  We explained how it wasn’t dedicated yet, and that is why anyone, including little children could go through. We talked about what we would see there, and how things would work as we participated in the tour. Like most of our FHE lessons, it was short and to the point, and we moved on to an activity and treats.  We then went on about our week as usual.

When Friday evening rolled around, we rushed to the open house, striving to leave behind the distractions and frustrations of the morning.  It had been a less than ideal day, but we tried to change that as we recognized the importance of this wonderful opportunity.

 As we walked the halls of the temple, the children were subdued and generally reverent. They were duly impressed by the beautiful architecture and recognized some of the things we had talked about. I admit though that we had to move quickly through each room, and I longed to go slower, to take our time and point out certain things to my children. I wished I had done even more preparation with them, and I’m afraid that the white booties on their feet might have made just as lasting an impression as anything.  It was over all too quickly, so after the tour we wandered around the temple grounds allowing the children to explore the outside of the building and to discuss things a little more. It was a little chilly, but we were blessed with a beautiful sunset and we stopped to enjoy it.  As we paused for a moment, I asked my five-year-old son how he had felt in the temple, and with his limited vocabulary he replied, “I felt like… kindness.” 

I don't know that I could have explained what the influence of the Spirit feels like any better.

As I pondered his response, I felt gratitude for a Loving Heavenly Father who blessed our meager efforts –our pitiful attempts at teaching and providing a spiritual experience for our kids, allowing us to forget the unpleasantness of the morning, and still have a fun and meaningful family outing.

I am often humbled at how our seemingly small acts and righteous desires can be magnified beyond our expectations.  It is as if the floodgates of heaven are ready to burst, just waiting for the go-ahead that begins with our simply asking.

Personally, I believe that Heavenly Father wanted our children to have a spiritual experience just as much as we did, if not more, but He needed us to provide the opportunity. That is part of our job as parents.

At the heart of our efforts though, is the goal of actually going to the temple to participate in sacred ordinances.

Preparation for such cannot be done in one quick FHE lesson.  It is a great responsibility and rests upon our shoulders as we prepare individually, and as we teach our children to prepare themselves, to make and keep sacred covenants in the temple.

So how do we prepare ourselves and our children for the Temple?  I’ve come up with three suggestions that can help us.

I.                    Recognize the sacredness of the Temple and the importance of the ordinances performed there. 

II.                  Live as if you have already made temple covenants.

III.                Plan to continue to acquire gospel knowledge and attend the temple regularly.

First, we need to recognize the sacredness of the Temple and the importance of the covenants made there.  There is hardly anything in the world these days that would cultivate such feelings --it seems nothing is sacred.  However, the world can understand the worth of precious things, and knowing this, Jesus in His sermon on the mount used the analogy of throwing pearls before swine (Matt. 7:6). Things that are precious and highly-prized or rare and costly are treated differently; so should we learn to treat sacred things differently.  In a CES broadcast to the youth of the Church back in 2004, Elder D. Todd Christofferson taught that we should dress and act differently in sacred places including our church meetings and especially in and around the temple. How we dress and act is an outward expression of an inward conviction. Sacredness is accompanied by the presence of the Holy Ghost that testifies of truth and if the Spirit is offended by anything within our dress or conduct we would lose that sense of what is sacred.  Elder Christofferson explained,

“When you develop a deepening reverence for sacred things, the Holy Spirit becomes your frequent and then constant companion. You grow in understanding and truth…”

Elder Christofferson also warned,

“On the other hand, those who do not appreciate holy things will lose them. Absent a feeling of reverence, they will grow increasingly casual in attitude and conduct. They will drift from the moorings that their covenants with God could provide. Their feelings of accountability to God will diminish and then be forgotten. Thereafter, they will care only about their own comfort and satisfying their uncontrolled appetites. Finally, they will come to despise sacred things, even God, and then they will despise themselves.”

The commandments of the Gospel, as well as the covenants we make in the temple, are a protection to us as we go throughout this life.  It is a blessing and a privilege to know these things and live accordingly, and it’s never too early or too late to start.

The second way to prepare ourselves and our families to go to the Temple is to live our lives as if we had already made temple covenants. We must teach our children to live according to Church standards regarding honesty, modesty, chastity, living the word of wisdom, etc.  Those who do this will have the companionship of the Holy Ghost to guide them and broaden their understanding. 

Growing up my sisters and I were taught to dress modestly, meaning that we wouldn’t have to change anything about the way we dressed even after we had gone to the temple.  This not only prepared us to go, but it was the beginning of understanding that immodest dress was disrespectful to ourselves as well as to the Lord.  It is not just an arbitrary rule or mere suggestion, if the Lord requires it of His covenant-making people it is because He expects that they understand the reason behind it. This goes back to my first suggestion of reverencing the sacred, and includes sloppy and casual dress or behavior as well. In that same CES broadcast I referred to before, Elder Christofferson explained,

“Some say dress and hair don’t matter—they say it’s what’s inside that counts. I believe that it is what’s inside a person that truly counts, but that’s what worries me. Casual dress at holy places and events is a message about what is inside a person. It may be pride or rebellion or something else, but at a minimum it says, “I don’t get it. I don’t understand the difference between the sacred and the profane.”

In a 1998 devotional at BYU-Idaho (then Ricks College), Elder David A. Bednar as the President of the institution explained the seemingly strict honor and dress codes to students saying,

“My dear young brothers and sisters, the honor code and dress codes are not obstacles designed by out of touch old people to hassle you during your time on the [BYU-Idaho] campus. Rather, the honor code is a lesser law preparation to enter the house of the Lord and make sacred covenants, and the dress code is a lesser law preparation for how you will dress and should act after you entered in to those covenants.  If you struggle at [BYU-Idaho] to obey the lesser and preparatory guidelines contained in the honor and dress codes, then may I candidly suggest that you will not be prepared to make those covenants in the temple.”

Such preparations and principles must be taught in the home.  In the recent October General Conference, Elder Quentin L. Cook called upon parents to combat the sinking morals of society saying,

“Parents, the days are long past when regular, active participation in Church meetings and programs, though essential, can fulfill your sacred responsibility to teach your children to live moral, righteous lives and walk uprightly before the Lord. With President Monson’s announcement this morning, it is essential that this be faithfully accomplished in homes which are places of refuge where kindness, forgiveness, truth, and righteousness prevail. Parents must have the courage to filter or monitor Internet access, television, movies, and music. Parents must have the courage to say no, defend truth, and bear powerful testimony. Your children need to know that you have faith in the Savior, love your Heavenly Father, and sustain the leaders of the Church. Spiritual maturity must flourish in our homes.”

Elder Perry and Elder Perkins also addressed this topic of teaching our children and strengthening families as did many other general authorities in the recent conference.  I encourage you to go back and study those talks, specifically looking for ways we can prepare for entering the temple. It seemed to me that one of the over-arching themes of this last conference was that we must strive to gain a testimony of the Gospel by study and prayer and then seek true conversion through living the Gospel. This is a life-long process, which brings me to my third and final suggestion.

We must plan to continue to acquire gospel knowledge, and plan to attend the temple regularly throughout our lives.

Finally going to the temple is not the end-all destination for true disciples of Jesus Christ. Going for ourselves is an extremely important step in our eternal progression, but if we are truly converted we will understand, and like the fruit of the tree of life in Lehi’s dream, we would rejoice and desire that all may partake (1 Nephi 8:12). Luckily we are blessed to be able to return to the Temple as often as we like as we serve those who have gone on before us by doing those ordinances for them by proxy which they cannot do for themselves.  This is how I understand the scripture that explains, “they without us cannot be made perfect—neither can we without our dead be made perfect.” (D&C 128:15).  I think that in some ways, we would have a harder time becoming perfected if we could not go to the temple over and over again for them, being reminded of our covenants and learning more and more each time we go.

  

In another talk by Elder Bednar, this time from April of 2009, he speaks of conversations he had with emeritus general authorities who later became temple presidents.  He asked them what they had learned as temple presidents that they wished they had better understood as general authorities. The answers that came could be summarized in this way:

“I have come to understand better the protection available through our temple covenants and what it means to make an acceptable offering of temple worship. There is a difference between church-attending, tithe-paying members who occasionally rush into the temple to go through a session and those members who faithfully and consistently worship in the temple.”

How grateful I am that we will soon have the temple in Boise rededicated and functional again.  It is my hope that all of us will try harder to make it to the temple whether for the first time or the 101^st, and that we will make it a regular habit. 

I know that as we do this, and as we diligently strive to teach our families and prepare ourselves, making worthy goals of temple attendance, the Lord will magnify our efforts and bless us.

I leave this with you in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Homemade Sandbox

I have a love/hate relationship with sandboxes. I love how they keep the kids entertained outside in the fresh air for so long, but I hate sand in my house, all over the patio, and on heads and in diapers.

We built this sandbox a couple years ago and the kids loved it.

However, we moved several times and it never got set up again we just hauled the sand around in a big tupperware storage bin.  The problem with that was that the kids didn't like bending over to play in the sand and so they brought the sand out to where they could play with it comfortably (meaning all over my patio).  Also, when they wanted to add water, it stayed wet forever in the tub. Our sandbox has a canvas bottom (the same kind of ugly canvas as the lid -we got it at the thrift store for really cheap) so the water can drain out easily.  Overall it wasn't working for us and we either had to give up on sand altogether, or we had to rebuild the sandbox.

So this Fall we moved into a house that didn't have anything but grass in the backyard.  It's nice and big, with plenty of room for the kids to run around, but they were bored and wouldn't stay outside for very long. So we finally decided to resurrect the sandbox, adding in a new feature that we hoped would encourage the kids to play in the sandbox but not "in" the sandbox if you know what I mean (see above).

Benches!

not that they always use the benches...

  Not only that, but the benches are also the lid!!

This was taken a different day than the above pictures. It was raining. Otherwise they would have been playing in it.

We are also planning to add a lock for when kids lose sandbox privileges for doing things like this:

This was when it was in that blue tupperware. Apparently wet sand is fun to throw.

  or this:

  

 

  ...and thus continues my love/hate relationship with sandboxes.

Heaven.

The other place.

Ah sand.  Can't we just get along?

The Pit

In a Religion class I took 10 years ago at BYU-Idaho, we were given an assignment to write a parable. As I brainstormed topics to write about, I came across one of my doodles (that was my idea of taking notes at one point), and this became the inspiration of my parable.

I felt like sharing it today because... one: I think it is pretty good (if I do say so myself), and two: I was reminded of it during the recent General Relief Society broadcast when Sister Linda K. Burton told a similar analogy.  (I just discovered that her analogy was taken from a primary lesson manual, and although I feel that my parable was completely of my own creation, it makes me wonder if it might be a sign that I actually was listening in primary and that those things really do stick.) 
So here it is.  (The numbers are the verses --it was supposed to be written like the scriptures, in case you were wondering.)

The Parable of the Pit

1. In a certain city there was a pit.

2. The breadth thereof was exceedingly large and exceedingly deep and dirty.

3. There happened upon the pit two youths who, not knowing the dangers of the pit and the slipperiness of the sides, did venture too close to the mouth of the pit to peer in and they did fall into the depths thereof.

4. A certain stranger traveling by, hearing their cries, approached the pit.

5. The youths cried unto him saying; Thou who standest on higher ground, wilt thou have mercy on us and rescue us?

6. And the stranger answered and said; Nay, for I see that the pit is exceedingly dirty and I desirest not to be soiled as thou art. And he went his way.

7. Another stranger passing by and hearing the cries of the youths approached the pit.

8. They cried unto him saying; Thou who standest on higher ground, wilt thou have mercy on us and rescue us?

9. Looking into the pit, the stranger answered and said unto them; Nay, for I do not have the means wherewith to pull you out. And he went his way.

10. And the youths were exceeding sorrowful.

11. Yet two strangers traveling together passing by heard the cries of the youths down in the pit and approached.

12. The youths cried unto them saying; Thou who standest on higher ground, wilt thou have mercy on us and rescue us?

13. And the one stranger, straightway lowered his rod into the pit in order to draw them out, but alas, it was lacking in length.

14. The second stranger, seeing the deficiency of the rod, straightway jumped into the pit and built for the youths a ladder that they may all reach the rod and be lifted out of the pit.

15. And when they had done this, the youths rejoiced saying; Blessed be thy name forever, for thou art our saviors, and have shown great mercy upon us for we should have surely perished in the pit!

16. And thus they did cry all the days of their lives.

Translation:

            The youths represent people, who in their ignorance and curiosity, fall into the pit of sin –perhaps bound for the very depths of hell.

             The strangers represent members of the Church.  They stand on higher ground, meaning they uphold their standards and keep the commandments, yet perhaps they are traveling in different directions.

            The first stranger is one who, in his pride, refuses to help those in trouble because he is afraid that it may adversely affect his own standing. He, like a Pharisee, is afraid of associating with anything considered “unclean.” One may wonder which direction he travels when it says, “And he went his way.”

            The second stranger, though he stands on higher ground and looks into the pit wanting to help, is lacking in the resources –perhaps the knowledge, the willingness, and the strength –whereby to pull them out.

            The last two strangers are a representation of our companionship with Christ. He is the one who was willing to descend below it all.  He prepared the way, building the steps of repentance whereby all mankind may be saved through His atoning sacrifice.

            Notice that the ladder is built to be used at the will of the youths. It is by their own strength and choice that they ascend the steps.

            The rod, as in other scriptures, is the Word of God. It is extended to all people and should be kept close at hand by faithful members.

            We, like the unfortunate youths, are all subject to the pits of mortal life and are in constant need of the saving and enabling powers of the atonement. Let us rejoice and praise God continually for his mercy, and let us proclaim these happy tidings all of our days.

It's amazing to me to see how smart I once was, even at 20.  It's not a perfect analogy, but I got an A.
Hope you enjoyed it.

Melons

My babies have big heads.

It runs in the family.

My sister-in-law calls it our "German shaped heads," and indeed we do have German ancestors, but I don't know if one can speak in such generalities...

Okay, so based on principles of perspective and depth, the head sizes in this picture are all wrong,
I think you all know who's the German though. Coincidence? I think not.

Anyway, it makes for difficult deliveries, and sometimes I look at other people's newborns and think -"Man! That one would have been a cinch to give birth to!"

I was reading a lady's blog where she wrote a lovely article about how there is so much spiritual symbolism in the natural childbirth process, and how we were meant to go through pain and suffering when we bring children into this earth and so forth... (did I mention she's a doula or midwife or something?) However, I could only think how grateful I have been for epidurals and that if I hadn't been able to have those (and I still felt plenty of pain by the way) I would have been way too traumatized to appreciate the experience and I most likely would have resented my babies for causing me so much pain.  I applaud women who can have their babies naturally, and I try not to let it make me feel like less of a woman because I don't.  I'll just keep telling myself that their babies don't have as big of heads as mine do.

I have to admit, big heads make for really cute babies, if I do say so myself.

I love how when my baby bends over to pick something up it often ends up in an impromptu somersault.

Gotta love the bed-head too.

And I love how when he looks up at me too quickly he has to stagger backward a few paces just to keep his balance.

Babies are miracles however they are born, and everyone can have the deeply spiritual experience of knowing that this little spirit came straight from heaven and was meant for us to take care of regardless of whether we physically brought them into this world (with or without the blessings of modern medicine), or adopted them into our families.
Heaven knows the pain we mothers feel extends beyond the physical kind at delivery.  I think when Eve was cast out of the garden that perhaps some of the sorrow she would experience in bringing forth children wasn't just the physical kind but the kind that comes from watching them use, or should I say misuse, their agency --which was a direct result of the fall.
Still, she wisely chose to focus on the joy and happiness that her children brought her as well as the hope that the plan of redemption gave and she praised God (Moses 5:11-12).
What a wonderful example.

So, when life gives you lemons... just reverse the first three letters and you've got yourself something that's naturally sweet.

(I made that up all by myself.)

((I think I better go to bed.))

Anyway, I was just thinking of all my sisters and friends who are expecting right now (some sooner than others) and I wish them all the best! (plus small baby head circumferences ...not too small though).

Mottled Chameleon

So, I'm having a bit of a blog-identity crisis.

I don't feel that I've kept with the original purpose of this blog, and so when I sit down to write I start feeling all sorts of anxieties and things that try influencing what I post or how it will come out.  Some of it has to do with other blogs I read and how they rub off on me, some of it has to do with what I think other people expect of me, some of it has to do what I expect of myself, and some of it has to do with how I'm feeling in general.

Maybe it's my own identity crisis.

I remember a saying on the wall of a high school English class, right next to the plaque that read "Eschew Obfuscation," but that's beside the point. This other wall hanging read:

I AM

WHAT I THINK

OTHERS THINK

I AM

I don't know who first said this, but it has plagued me for years because I often feel that I fit this description perfectly.  I say plagued, because whenever I fall victim to other people's opinions of me (good or bad), whenever I feel like I am just playing a part to fit in or to keep up appearances, or whenever I listen to the voices inside my head that tell me I have no personality of my own, no original ideas, and that I am just a sad imitation of those whom I admire... this saying comes to mind.

I mean, have you ever had someone ask you if you're feeling sick, or if you've been crying, and suddenly you really do feel sick, or your eyes start welling up even though you're not sad in the least?  It's like being a victim of the force. Please tell me I'm not the only one this happens to.   

To explain this phenomena, aside from the inference that I'm a mindless twit that can be easily swayed by the merest suggestion, when someone asks me if I've been crying --which I rarely do, (okay, rarely did before I had three pregnancies) I suddenly start wracking my brain to think of reasons they would think this and feel sorry for myself, or else I start think of reasons I might have to cry (whether real or imagined) and that inevitably makes get teary-eyed, or sometimes I'm simply touched that someone would go out of their way to ask me something personal, so I start crying. Makes sense right?  

Don't answer that.

So on my mission, soon after arriving in the country and meeting my Mission
President for the first time, he interviewed me to get to know me a bit and assigned me a companion (probably not on the spot, I'm sure he had decided previously and was just seeking confirmation). I don't know what my MTC teachers had told him about me, and I do believe he was working on inspiration for the most part, but in the course of our conversation he labeled me as "bold" and told me that he was putting me with a sister who was meek and timid and could use someone to help her be more bold.

Me?  Bold?!

Now, I may have been outspoken and tactless at times, and perhaps even a little stubborn, but that does not equal bold.  I was anything but bold, especially when it came to sharing the Gospel --which honestly terrified me --especially in a foreign language!
But, bold he thought I was, and so bold I became.  Not always in the best ways mind you --I think I bowled her over and nearly drove her insane.  Poor sweet sister.  She didn't know what to do with me.  I told the elders off, I repeated offensive phrases I had learned to old men who hit on me, and I flatly refused to make phone calls until I could understand what the person was saying on the other end.  Yeah, I was that kind of trainee.
On the other hand, when paired with a companion who the President mentioned was "another red-head" (in the stereotypical sense of the word) and that he thought it might prove interesting (although I didn't consider myself a red-head --maybe auburn or chestnut, but not red), I found that my brand of "boldness" to be useful in not letting her push me around, keeping her out of trouble with the elders (yeah, she was that kind of sister), plus it motivated me to learn the language better so she couldn't do all the talking ...er, I mean, so I could explain what she was really trying to say.   I was paired with her three separate times on my mission, and I truly believe that if I hadn't been my "bold" self, she wouldn't have finished out her mission.
Despite my inner conviction that I wasn't bold, just stubborn, I did however come to recognize how the Mission President's view of me hadn't been so far off after all. Less than half way into my mission, a new companion and I met with a girl we had only taught once before (actually another companion taught her while I took care of a drunk guy in the lobby but that's a whole other story). She had come to see a baptism of another investigator, and afterwards we had our second discussion. Things were going so well, and as I bore my testimony I felt inspired to invite her to be baptized.  She said "yes" and we set a date and she was baptized four weeks later. She was what we call "golden." I didn't think much of it, since it happened so naturally, but later after my mission I learned that an elder who was present at that meeting had written to my parents to say how impressed he was with my boldness.  And it hit me.  Either my mission president had been right all along, or I became that way because that's what was expected of me.  Either way, that's who I was.

Sorry, where was I going with this?  Oh yeah.

I remember writing in my mission journal how much I felt I changed with each companion.  Some were meek, so I was loud, some were pushy, so I was stubborn, some were cool, so I was nerdy, others were nerdy, and well, I was still nerdy. Some were shy so I took charge, some were beautiful and I the ugly duckling, some were troubled and I was calm, some were old and well... okay so I couldn't blame being young on my personality fluctuations, but perhaps my own immaturity was more apparent, I don't know.  I wondered to myself if choosing an eternal companion would be essentially choosing my eternal identity.  There was hardly any consistency to the roles I played, although looking at this list, it may seem that mostly I was just contrary, and perhaps I was but not in the negative sense of the word.  Still, I felt a little lost as to who I really was.  I couldn't so easily label myself one particular thing as others could.  Was I being insincere or dishonest?  Was I not being real or authentic?  I don't believe so.
Then I realized, that that is who I am.  I am the person people need me to be!  I am the friendly one when someone needs a friend, I am the creative one when others are out of ideas, I am the calm one when others are worried, I am the bold one when others are timid.
It's true that I wasn't always my best self, and my fluctuations included times of low self-esteem, but doesn't that happen to everyone?
I'm not always just the opposite of others either (--although I try to avoid the awkwardness or competition associated with being too similar or taking on the same roles).  In high school I fit in with many different people.  I was on the soccer team, and hung out with the sporty types, I was in band and choir and drama, I was a photographer on the yearbook staff, participated in the Russian club and loved AP Chemistry. My best friends were sterling scholars, art royalty, and and student body officers. Overall, my friends were intelligent, kind, hard working and fun.  I hung out with them because I admired them, I appreciated them, I hoped I was like them.  And to some extent I was.  However, at graduation the truth came out.  So many of my friends were surprised to discover that I didn't graduate with honors or high honors.  I even had one well meaning friend comment, "you forgot your cords," and although I was flattered, it kinda stung as I had to explain.  I believe that I was just as intelligent as them, but intelligence doesn't matter much if you're secretly lazy.  It made me resent my diploma in the end. Still, I was grateful for my ability to connect with many different kinds of people, and although I never stood out in any way, no one ever felt threatened by me and I was never the target of any unkindness. It suited me well.

When I got to college, I did well, but I was indecisive about majors.  The voices in my head said it was because I didn't know who I was, or because I wasn't good enough at any one thing to succeed.  It made me feel inferior to people who seemed to have direction and purpose and knew exactly what they wanted to do.  It made me feel like I had no "personality" when I had to explain that I was just a General Education major (...and we all know that girls majoring in General Ed at any Church school are just planning on getting their MRS degree right?).  I felt like if I could at least say I majored in Liberal Arts, it would sound better, but they didn't technically have that major at BYU-I by name.  The real problem was that I had too many interests, and I felt if I chose one, that meant leaving all the others behind.  I went from major to major; Music, English, Psychology, Biology, Education, with minors in P.E., Art, Photography, Child Development, etc.  I even considered transferring to BYU-Provo and majoring in Geneology... but then I met my husband, got married, and soon my credit limit was up (for those of you who don't know, Church schools are too in demand to let you stay around very long, so once you reach a certain number of credits you have to petition to stay, graduate, or move on), so I graduated in "University Studies."  Could that be any more ambiguous?

Over the years though, I've come to realize that however directionless my academic record may seem, however little qualified it makes me for any specific career, I feel that nothing could have prepared me better for my present occupation as a mother and homemaker.

So I guess my point is this.  That who you are is who you are. Whether outside influences affect how you act, and regardless of what people think of you or expect from you, you're still you.  Is a chameleon not a chameleon just because it changes its color?  No.  And it doesn't mean that a mottled one is confused or being dishonest or unauthentic either.  It's just doing it's thing.

Okay so that was a long tangent to get to where I was going.  Hope I didn't obfuscate too much :).

I was talking about the identity of my blog.

So what if my blog is sometimes a travelogue? So what if it sometimes resembles a craft or cooking blog but isn't really?  Who cares if sometimes I am poignant, and other times sarcastic? What does it matter if sometimes I have beautiful pictures I took myself and sometimes pirated images from google?  Will people be bored if I write about myself, my life, my kids?  Will they stop reading if I quote scripture or share my opinions about controversial topics? Do I care if I am shunned from blogging groups because my blog can't fit neatly into any specific category? Is it a problem that I love comments but write it more for myself than anyone else?  Does it mean my blog is lame if I never have any more than 4 followers?

I think not.

It may not be what anyone expects, but this blog is mine, and it is what it is.

I guess I've overcome my blog identity-crisis.

I really should start blogging more, and think less about what others think.